Personalizing the Funeral Service

Personalizing a funeral service is a healthy and healing way to remember a loved one. You can also choose to personalize your own service in advance, by prearranging your service with the funeral home.

What does it mean to personalize? By bringing into the visitation and funeral service items that reflect your loved one's tastes, personality, beliefs, and simply who they were, the visitation takes on their personality. These touches give those who are visiting more insight into who this person was in life, and often helps to break-the-ice during time in which it is often hard to find words.

You are encouraged to include anything that brings their personality into the visitation room. Your loved one may have had a favorite rocking chair that could be brought to the funeral home, a scent that they were known to wear, loved music, a hobby, an organization, church, group of friends, vacation spot, a movie they loved, or anything else that helps to reflect the many special traits they were known for.

If you have any special requests, please let your funeral director know so they can help to organize.

Here are some other examples of personalizing touches you may want to include.

  1. Write a letter to the person who has died and express all of the feelings you ever wanted to say, but were afraid to or just never got around to expressing. Seal the letter in an envelope and place it in the casket. Your written thoughts will go with your loved one to his or her final resting place.
  2. Bring in the favorite song of the person who has died on compact disc or cassette and your Funeral Director will play it for you during the visitation and/or funeral service.
  3. Request from your Funeral Director that doves or butterflies are released during the grave site service.
  4. Bring in photographs spanning the life of the person who has died. Your funeral director will have a picture board that can be decorated that you can fasten the pictures onto. These can be photos with family, friends at work, fishing or hunting, golfing, knitting, baking, serious and comical.
  5. If your loved one had a hobby, was involved in arts, crafts or photography, bring in some of their works to be displayed at the funeral home.
  6. If they had favorite scripture readings, let the funeral director or funeral officiant know so they can incorporate it into the furnal service or visiation.
  7. If your loved one composed any poetry, essays, or was published, bring in a copy of their work for display.
  8. Have a friend or family member read poetry, lead the prayers, or read a special scripture passage.
  9. If your loved one was not a regular church attendee, consider having the funeral in a place that perhaps reflected their lifestyle, like a park, the marina, or other locations that were important to them. Let your funeral director know and they can work on arrangements.
  10. In the Catholic church during the presentation of gifts, family members may elect to bring them forward themselves for presentation to the priest. Even the youngest grandchild are honored to act in this capacity.
  11. What may seem very hard to do at the time, but is cherished for years after the funeral, is when family members close the casket instead of the funeral staff. As our mothers always tucked us in at night as children, closing her casket is the last time they can tuck her in.
  12. Eulogize your loved one during the funeral or visitation. Oftentimes the clergy person does not know the person who has died and since the funeral is intended to recognize a life that has been lived, it is important to recognize that life in a personal way. Who better to do this than someone who knew them on a personal basis.
  13. Place cherished items in the casket like pictures of the grandchildren and other family members, a photo of the family pet, a favorite golf club, a pool stick, a well worn baseball cap, or a religious item. Your funeral director welcomes all of them as your way of saying good bye.
  14. In processing to the cemetery, consider a favorite place your loved one liked to go, like their favorite park, or the beach, or a favorite restaurant, or maybe they were happiest at home. Your Funeral Director will arrange to have the procession pass by this favorite place.  
  15. Your funeral director is able to have a pianist, organist, bag pipper, harpist, guitarist, and many other instrumentalist play during the furnal service if desired.

When it comes to memorializing someone special, the choices are unlimited. We hope that if the list above is useful and help to generate ideas that are special to you.